College

  I would’ve written yesterday but I didn’t get home until pretty late and had to head to bed so I’ll just write now.

  School has been good so far this week.  Every time I think something is going to go wrong in one of my classes, it ends up straightening out and surprises me.  For example, in my TBE (Telecommunications and Business Education:  fancier name for Computer Literacy) class, we took what’s called a production test last week.   With the production test, you have to edit a word document based on a set of instructions that are given to you.  Apparently my teacher didn’t write these instructions, so I can’t really blame her for the test being poorly written.  But she still reminds me of one of those grandmothers whose grandkids are forced to go see and the grandkids hate them because they just stare at the kids and won’t give them cookies and smell funny.  Anyway, not only did I find that typo in the production test, but a couple of the instructions in the test were wrong and everyone in class missed points for them.  When we brought this to the attention of our teacher, she told us she’ll give us the points back but that we should’ve known better anyways.  Yeah, uh, I know that you’re supposed to double space footnotes when you’re doing MLA format, but the instructions for the test said to enter a SINGLE SPACED FOOTNOTE.  Why would I go against what the instructions FOR A TEST said?  I’m glad we’re at least getting points back because the test was written wrong and it wasn’t our fault.  When I get my points back, that means I got 100%.  Sweeeet.

  In my Painting class, we’ve started doing self-portraits.  We were given mirrors to set up next to our canvas so we can look at ourselves while painting.  It’s funny what goes through your mind… At first I couldn’t stop obsessing about how my hair looked and awkward I felt staring at myself.  Eventually those nagging impulses went away and I started to see the different shapes of colors and features on my face as I tried to paint them on canvas.  He had us start with a limited pallet at first so we don’t get too overwhelmed, then when we come back the next class we can add more colors.  I’m so excited to see everyone’s self-portraits J  I thought I was going to be in school until later tonight but I finished my assignment for 2D-Design early and was sent home.  Since the assignment isn’t due until next week, I don’t have to go to that class until then because we’re working on them in class.  I love surprises like this!  It reminds me that this semester isn’t too good to be true.  It’s just plain and simple good and I need to quit worrying.

  With the art classes at college, instead of being told what books you need to get, you are instructed to buy an art kit at the bookstore which has all the supplies you’ll need for the semester.  I wish they’d be more honest about the supplies you need because so far I’ve bought over $20 worth of things for each class that weren’t included in my kit.  And it’s only been 5 weeks so far this semester…  Why would we even need an art kit if we’re going to keep buying things throughout the semester?  It’s so sneaky to me.  College can be a pain in the ass and the wallet.

  Things are going super I suppose.  I have been feeling bothered the past couple days, but I think that’ll blow over eventually.  I’m trying to stay positive about everything and so far it is working great but of course things still leak through my positive-super-hero-shield and knock me down.   Life goes on even if it makes me want to give up sometimes.   Well I’m going to go rest before going on a walk.  I’ll write more tomorrow.  Thanks for reading J

Pictuuuure:

There's just something hilarious about this picture.. Oh man it's so weird.

Weekend Shenanigans

  I was going to write sooner but it was my weekend, so I decided to wait.  Friday was an absolute blast.  I finally finished re-watching the entire series of Lost with my step-niece.  We both cried several times that night because of all the sad episodes.  We had another nutella adventure too, which originally started on Thursday and carried over to Friday when my parents got home.   We decided to pull a prank on everyone else in the house by smearing nutella in our bathtub to look like, well, you know… a brown smear.  The prank turned out to be excellent and I haven’t laughed so hard in such a long time.

  Saturday was another adventure as well.  I was a little irritated about something and I have to vent about it first haha.  Earlier in the day, I decided to hop onto the messenger on Facebook.  There’s a guy on there (as you’ve noticed, I’ve decided to not give names) that I’ve known since Jr. High.  He’s made it clear the past few times we’ve spoken that he’s interested in me, as I have made it clear to him that I’m not interest in dating or going on dates or anything.  I’ve already made it clear that I don’t find him to be my type either.  The last conversation we had before this, he told me that he was confident I’d be interested in him someday… wow, really?  So you’re going to tell me how I feel?  Yeah right.  Anyway, this conversation was a little irritating. I need to stop downplaying things and being miss nice pants… the conversation wasn’t just a little irritating, it gave me the urge to start screaming.  He again started talking about how he’s starting to miss going on dates and asked if I felt the same.  No, I said, again.  He seemed disappointed by my response, and threw out some suggestions of things we should do after I mentioned to him that I was going clubbing later that night, like wanting to get his dance on with me, or even drinking with me.  I told him no as nice as I could and again mentioned that I’m only interested in friendship and not anything further.  Then he said “ha trust me i have got the point the first hundred times u said it hahahaha.”  Ok, I just have to say this… it’s a huge pet peeve of mine for someone to say this to me.  No, I didn’t say it a hundred times and I would appreciate it if you wouldn’t be so damn dramatic.  If he got it after I said it so many times, why the hell is he still saying stuff to me?  I understand he’s trying really hard, but to me this shows what he’s truly interested in.  If he respected my feelings for what they are, then he would stop throwing suggestions at me.  But obviously he misses dating so much and wants me enough to put my feelings aside and keep trying.  I can’t stand someone like this in the slightest!  I wasn’t put on earth to make anyone feel better by being a piece of action.  And I’m not complaining because of this one person—there have been many others that make me feel like that’s all I’m here for.  Well poop on them, I’m not a piece of ass.  I’m a human being and I’m more real than the girls they fantasize about in those dirty mags and movies.  I can’t allow myself to get used ever again.

  Rant aside, Saturday night was a blast.  Every month, the downtown club called Area 51 has what’s called Fetish Night.  On this night, they have rope bondage displays, violet wand demonstrations, surface piercing demonstrations, and a vacuum bed.  I haven’t participated in any of those because I mainly like going for the theme of Fetish Night they pick each time.  This month’s theme was ‘Leather and Lace.’  I got an awesome shiny leather corset and pencil skirt.  I think I converted (or perhaps corrupted) my step-niece, and she loves going with me to Fetish Nights now.  She had the most awesome outfit, too!  Aside from the occasional creepy guy, we met some amazing people there and even danced in one of the cages they have on the dance floor.  We didn’t get home until well after 4:00 in the morning and I’m pooped beyond reason today.  It was so worth it though!  I had a great time.

  I absolutely love going out and doing things on the weekend while I’m in school during the week.  I don’t know why I enjoy it so much, but it’s so grounding to be able to go do fun things that’ll keep me sane through the semester.  It’s rewarding too, like a pat on the back for getting up before the sun rises every day during the week.  Bleh!

  Alright, I think I’m done typing for now.  Thanks for reading this far.  Good… afternoon?  Hehe.

This time I’ll post pictures of my adventures instead of something random:

Nutella Smear closeup.  Can you see the hairs?  Gross.  What's wrong with me.

Far away picture of the Nutella Smear

It was hard to get good pictures of the dance floor, but here's an attempt.

PARTAY

  I'll post more.  I thought I had more but realized most of the pictures were taken on my step-niece's phone.  Weeeee

Short

  I don’t have much to write about so this one will be short.  That and it’s 1 AM and I need sleeps!  Today was overall very good.  I felt really awful in the morning because I got sleepy during our critique in painting and couldn’t wake up the rest of the day.  I came home and took a 2 hour nap immediately and felt fine afterwards.  I need to quit staying up so late on school nights…

  So over the past couple years, I’ve developed a love for kettle corn--specifically the Jolly Time Kettle Mania kind.  I also discovered that it goes really well with mustard.  Yeah it sounds weird, but since kettle corn is both sweet and salty, having something salty with it doesn’t taste off.  Well I made another tasty discovery with it tonight… it’s going to sound gross but trust me it tastes amazing!  Nutella.  Yes, nutella with kettle corn.   Incredible beyond reason.

  Well time for bed.  I think I’m riding a sugar high from that nutella I had, so hopefully I can fall asleep fast.  I also haven't laughed as hard as I laughed tonight in a very long time.  My stomach is killing me haha.  Goodnight.

Picture:

This made me giggle.

Bad typo, bad!

  It rained so much today!  It was horrifying to drive in at one point because it was raining extremely hard and my awesome windshield wipers were on full blast but I still couldn’t see where I was going.  The air smells really nice and clean, though.

  I’m feeling tons better today than I have lately.  Since my Death Lodge (I’ll talk about that another time) I’ve been feeling more sensitive to everything around me and can feel, well, everything more vividly.  It’s hard to describe haha.  But since this has been going on, I would get really irritated at things— these things irritated me normally, but I’d get irritated more than I usually did.  That sensitivity has been going away though, so it’s feeling better.  I feel lighter and am finding it easier to be in a good mood.  AND my anxiety has been much better than before.  I know that anxiety and school don’t mix at all.

  I had what’s called a production test in my Computer Literacy class today.  We have to edit a file based on instructions that are given to us on a piece of paper.  I thought the teacher wrote the instructions, but I guess she doesn’t… Anyway, there was a BAD typo on the instructions.  I mean seriously, taking a test is stressful as it is, but a TYPO in the instructions?  It was so confusing and I’m glad that I asked the teacher to clarify that it was a typo.  It told us to insert a new citation at the end of the third paragraph after the last word (we’re using Microsoft Word 2007.)  Right after that instruction, the next one says to edit that citation, but says something like “edit the citation at the end of the first paragraph.”  Um, there is no citation at the end of the first paragraph… Then I thought I missed an instruction or something and panicked.  It’s supposed to say “third” paragraph, not “first.”  I understand that people make mistakes, but a typo on a test like that?  Sheesh.  Other than that, the rest of the instructions went well and I hope I passed.  We’ll see…

  Well I was going to write more but I’m sleepy.  Thanks again for reading.  Goodnight!

And of course another picture:

Freakin' cute.

Ramblings Galore

Yay!  Today was a fun day.  In my Painting class, we did two 1-hour speed paintings of random still-lives that the teacher set up.  We also had a limited pallet:  on our first speed painting, we could only use black, white, purple, and orange paints.  On our second speed painting, we could only use crimson (it’s a lot darker than the red we were using), red, orange, and yellow.  The second speed painting was awesome because the colors are all warm and make the painting look like it’s on fire or something.  I’ll post a picture of it in a couple days.  I absolutely love painting for many reasons, especially for having a reason to get dirty and covered in oil paints.  And they smell good, but that’s just me.

   The rest of my day went well.  All this free time to myself since I’ve been single has been interesting.  While I get sick to my stomach thinking about how I got to where I am now, I’m finding a nice quiet feeling that I haven’t had in years.  And I have more ah-ha! moments after thinking things through since my thoughts aren’t primarily focused on one person 24/7 anymore.  Don’t get me wrong... being able to enjoy being by yourself rocks, but being single right now blows.  I miss having that person I could trust, cuddle with, hold hands with, feel like myself around, etc.  I have a hard time realizing that I had something that could’ve been a super-special-awesome-cake-and-kittens-and-ponies-adventure but now it’s unexplainably gone and may or may not happen ever again.  I usually have a good explanation for things not working out or whatever, but this situation doesn’t have an explanation.  There’s no party on either side that I can blame... I’m sort of thrown in the middle, like being dropped in the middle of a dark forest and told to find your way out with a flashlight.  I feel like I’m wasting my time trying to look at it one way, so I’ll look at it another way and hit the same dead end.  What the hell am I supposed to do?  Just stay in this dark forest until the sun comes up?  Poo.  At least I can share my thoughts here, right?  Anyway, it’s nice to have my own time now and find ways to entertain myself and make myself happy without relying on someone to do it for me.  We’ll see what happens.  I certainly have no regrets.

  Do you ever have those moments where you feel like you took a wrong turn somewhere?  Or maybe you haven’t been the perfect person that you’ve always tried to be?  Why do we even try to be perfect?  We’re not going to be perfect in every person’s eyes and it’s not even an important thing to worry about.  Making yourself happy and setting a good path for yourself are far more important things to obsess over.  It’s still hard to not think about being the perfect friend, girlfriend, boyfriend,  wife, husband, mother, father,  etc.  Once you think you’re perfect to yourself, it’s easy to think others will see you the same way, but their expectations are more different than yours.  Which just makes you think you’re not good enough if they don’t see you as perfect the way you are, you know?  And then you go over your checklist of things to improve about yourself over and over again, but you still end up in the same situation.  I think what’s most important is just living for yourself and if you’re happy with yourself, then that’s all that matters.  You don’t need someone else’s approval.  Argh, I worry too much. 

  On a lighter note, the weather has been amazing outside.  The trees are starting to change and the air is starting to smell like autumn.  I can’t wait for winter.  I can’t wait for that comforting feeling you get when you finally come home from being out in the cold/wet weather all day and your house is all warm.  You get to put on some dry, warm clothes and feel cozy the rest of the night.  And when you go to sleep, you curl up in a ball under layers of poofy blankets until you’re warm enough to fall asleep.  Then you wake up the next day and see all the fresh snow covering everything, making everything around you completely quiet and fluffy and white.  I just can’t wait for all of that.  And I’m going sledding this year, damnit, so it better snow enough!  Who’s coming with me?

  Alright, enough of my ramblings. I’m going to go play video games until I get sleepy.  Thanks for reading everything to this point. I was going to apologize for my random ramblings, but I’m not going to because I need to get this crap out of me because it makes me feel better.  I will say that it won’t always be negative of course.  I have funny ramblings in my head somewhere haha. 

Ok, goodnight!  I hope all is well with everyone.  Here’s another funny picture:

Intro?

     Well for the longest time, I’ve wanted to write a blog but have had a hard time figuring out what I wanted to write about.  I also get bothered talking about myself and feel more comfortable just listening to others.  Another problem I have about writing a blog is revealing things I normally don’t show anyone.  I know that if I wrote a blog, others would see the side of me that I hide behind the ‘mask’ I wear.  Well, I have decided to slowly crawl out of my shell, grow some balls, write about what I’m hiding, and write about ME.  I cringe at the idea of moving away from my comfortable selfless ways…  That doesn’t mean that everything I’m going to blog about is going to be me going “waaaaaa someone hurt my feelings and I’m going to talk about it HERE.”  I’ll probably write about random things which are fun for me. Like weird things that happened during my day, adventures I go on, etc.   Anyway, we’ll see what happens.  I think it is fun to be writing/venting/complaining/rambling in plain sight.

     Okay, so what now?  I think I’m going to stop writing for today and will continue tomorrow..ish.  Goodnight.

P.S.  Oh oh I know.  I'll post a funny picture yes?  Lemme go find one..

Heheheheh.